Episode 2: Regina & Riley

June 5, 2018 | 38 minutes

Our second episode features Regina & Riley. Regina & Riley share real-talk on how their money conversation has evolved. They've navigated student debt, home buying, and dog parenting. But their superpower is in their ability to see the value of each other’s contributions. Tune in to listen to the story of two students who met in a dorm and ended up as high-flying lawyers.

"Our money conversations are so raw and you have to be so transparent. So, Riley and I are not married, not engaged, we’re living together. We’ve been together for six years but for me I've always imagined having these conversations with a husband once you have that ring then I'm like, okay, here are all my skeletons in my closet. Or you know here's why I do what I do or how I do what I do." - Regina

Transcript

{INTRODUCTION}

{00:00:00.45}

Aditi: Hey guys, you're listening to the Money Date podcast, a podcast that my husband and I launched to help young couples get real about their money.

Dalmar: That's right. We'll ask our friends and a few strangers all the uncomfortable and awkward questions about how they handle their money.

Aditi: All the gory details and hopefully a few tips and tricks along the way that you can pick up and use in your own relationship.

{MUSIC}

{00:00:23.24}

Aditi: I thought you were going to open and I was going...

Dalmar: Well, that’s a good start. Ok I’ll start.

Aditi: Can we put that in the podcast? About how bossy you are?

Dalmar: We’ll cut that part out.

{00:00:32.19}

Dalmar: Welcome to The Money Date podcast where we talk about couples and money. On today's podcast, we have Regina and Riley who've been together. For how long have you guys been together for actually? We didn’t talk about this.

Riley: I’d say about six years.

Dalmar: Did that check out?

Regina: That is actually correct.

Dalmar: All right excellent. Regina, Riley you've been together for six years.

Dalmar and Aditi: Hi I'm Dalmar and I am Aditi and we're your hosts. Welcome to the show.

Regina: Thank you. Excited to be here.

Aditi: You guys are gonna be amazing.

{00:01:05.58}

Dalmar: One place that we could begin is by contextualizing your relationship. You guys are six years in now. Where did the two of you meet?

Riley: We met in law school in student housing in San Francisco here. We were neighbors and met in the elevator on the way up.

Aditi: Wait, that's amazing.

Regina: I actually wasn't not living here permanently. I was just coming in for the summer for an internship and I saw this guy on the elevator pressing the same button and so I waited until he got off.

Aditi: Wait, there's a movie made like this called sliding doors. Have you guys watched it?

Riley: No, we haven’t.

Aditi: You should. That's, it’s like one of my favorite movies. That's amazing.

{00:01:50.16}

Dalmar: Who struck up the conversation first? Do you remember?

Regina: I think I did. I think I waited until you put your key in the door to make sure you lived there.

Riley: Yeah, coz’ she had been living there for months and I never interacted with her or crossed paths and then we crossed paths eventually. She was out partying doing her San Francisco thing and I was all studious and stuff.

Dalmar: And so his key work. He checked out. He lived in the building.

Regina: He lives in the building, yes!

Dalmar: When did things start to pick up?

Riley: We've hung out a day or two after.

Regina: Yes, the very next day.

Riley: It was the day that the DOMA decision struck down. So there was a big party in the city up in the Castro and after we got drinks, we went and met up with some of her co-workers up there and partied all night. And yeah…

Aditi: And together every day since.

Riley: Pretty much.

{00:02:50.01}

Aditi: So now you guys live together and we were actually lucky enough to meet you guys in our apartment in San Francisco when we moved here a year and a half ago. Tell us a little bit about that evolution. Did you guys moved in together recently or some time ago? How long have you guys been living together?

Riley: It was kind of a gradual process because she was living in New York still when we first got together. So I think she lived with me for a summer and then I went to Tokyo and studied abroad. So it was kind of a slow progression until four years ago when we actually got a place together. Mostly for rent price purposes because you can always split the cost of a very nice room.

Aditi: Amen.

Regina: And we're not living together anyway so regularly and that’s the only way you can justify it to the parents.

Aditi: We used live in New York City and we always joke that couples in New York didn't break up because it was just not affordable to live on there which is also true in San Francisco.

{00:03:54.15}

Aditi: So you guys must have had the money conversation or conversations about money relatively early on in your relationship. Is that right or..Regina’s shaking your head.

Riley: No not at all. It was quite a ways and with very different ideas on what that was. I think culturally. It took us a long time to really talk about it in depth or allude to it, maybe here and there. You always were good about sharing expenses but not about the real formal talks that couples have.

Regina: And I think that we were very conscious that sharing expenses just because San Francisco is so expensive and we met each other as students. So, you know our first date we were at a happy hour. Our second date was a free event that we went to in the city. And you know that first summer that we met neither of us actually had a paycheck. We were just living off student loans or the generosity of our parents.

Riley: Yeah. I think early on when we were students there wasn't really a need to talk about finances because we both implicitly knew that it was grim.

Regina: Yes, very, very grim.

Riley: It’s like, we're financing our entire lives for three years so there's not a lot of good to come from that conversation.

{00:05:09.05}

Dalmar: You also said that you were coming from different places culturally. What did you mean by that?

Regina: I think that's mostly me. So for those listening I am half Korean and culturally was raised Korean here in the States and I spent summers growing up in Korea. And within that culture you do not talk about money. You do not lend money to family members. You do not lend money to friends. You do not talk about money. Money just appears and bills get paid. And so when we started talking about money I have the natural tendency to avoid those conversations because that is very, very taboo. It's as if you know for the ladies out there it's as if I'm lifting up my skirt and walking around downtown. Even right now I'm getting a little bit tense and anxious talking about money but that is something I have to culturally overcome and I think that you know that's been a lot of the struggle is my hesitancy to be truthful, honest and transparent about my money because we are living together.

{00:06:16.41}

Aditi: And how is that different for you Riley? It sounds like you were raised in a different context.

Riley: Yeah. I wouldn't say that I have strong morals or convictions on the opposite side of the spectrum. I just really don't care that much - like it is what it is. Me spinning or talking about it doesn't really change the fact and part of that is because I'm moderate situation. I'm not in horrible debt, I do okay financially. So, I don't have a lot of skeletons in the closet or anything but yeah, I'd say culturally it's not a big issue. It never was. My family always talked about it fairly candidly.

{00:06:52.97}

Aditi: So that's amazing. And tell us a little bit more about how you guys actually share finances now. So you've been living together for four years. You recently bought a home, Regina, that you guys share right now in San Francisco. Tell us a little bit more about that journey.

Regina: Well, like Aditi said, the title is in my name along with my parents. Riley does pay rent to me to help pay the mortgage.

Riley: Yeah, it's what you consider rent.

Aditi: But it helps pay for the mortgage?

Regina: Yeah. Correct.

Riley: Yeah. It goes to the mortgage. Otherwise we don't have like a systematic way of sharing expenses. We just Venmo one another back and forth.

Aditi: Many, many couples do.

Regina: Like for example this weekend, we went through the McDonald's line and I literally Venmo’d him $5 dollars.

Riley: I think you mean Whole Foods.

Regina: But you know every now and then if I feel like maybe I haven't pulled my fair share then I'll get his coffee in the morning. Or if I choose to go to Costco and if I choose to spend beyond the allocated household actual needs, then I will eat that cost is how I feel like it. Because yes the groceries are all in the fridge and we are both able to eat it but I chose to buy that. Whereas you know, maybe for the toiletry items and those basic needs, we don’t. Back in the day we used to Venmo request.

Riley: We were more particular about it then but now we just keep a more intuitive barometer of like where we are in relation to one another and that fluctuates based on what either person is going through with their job or their finances. But generally, we just try to keep it fairly even keeled.

Aditi: It sounds like fairness is really important to you guys. And that fairness like you were describing as very loosely defined and doesn't necessarily mean 50/50 all the time, but it's sort of a piece that the two of you connect on.

Riley: Yeah, we found common ground on that over time.

{00:09:07.94}

Dalmar: You said overtime. Was it not initially that way and if it changed gradually what sort of brought about the changes?

Riley: Well, it was just a trust thing. I think at first you had to like micromanage each transaction but over time we've built trust between one another to like take our hands off it and really assume that the other person is doing it equitably and I think that happens.

Aditi: I can so relate to that. I remember the early days of Dalmar and my relationship and I was like, “Oh my God, this guy spends money very differently than I do. How are we ever going to be able to share credit card?” And that was a big step for us that day that we got it.

Dalmar: Yeah, I wasn’t trustworthy from the beginning.

Regina: That's scary.

Aditi: That is so romantic.

Regina: I also think that you know going back to the living together situation where everything we do together is not so tangible as money is. So, for example if one of us is pulling the weight in the household chores. That's not as tangible monetarily as going out and buying groceries. But you know I think it's not per say just the spending but our lifestyle together is one person overcompensating for the other. This week you know or this month or has it been a little bit too long and is it not fair right now.

Riley: Yeah like when Regina was studying for the bar exam she was around and could take care of our dog but as soon as she finished with that then we had to get a dog walker which is four hundred dollars a month or something. So, yeah there's value added by her being around and doing things that way.

Aditi: Makes a ton of sense.

{00:10:48.20}

Dalmar: You talked about beginning your relationship in a place where maybe you were coming at things from different cultural situations. Regina, you talked a little bit about what informed the way that you thought about money. When did things begin to change for you? Riley, it sounds like you were very laissez faire and laid back about the whole thing. I imagine that helped to a degree but what else brought you to a place where you could talk about money more openly with Riley?

Regina: I think I had a major break through early this year. I just felt like I couldn't do my finances on my own. As knowledgeable as I have come to be just through self education and working, I just felt in over my head and I had to ask for help. And that's when you know we had a big breakthrough and we were able to really learn from that conversation.

Riley: Yeah I think we've learned for from one another slowly over time like she's into couponing and I literally will buy everything at full price all the time because I don't care. I just want it now. And when it's convenient to me but over time I've learned to love this shop more smart I guess and not I don't collect coupons and newspapers but I generally look for sales on things and I can like stand and wait for a week if I know like Memorial Day is coming up for something. So we've kind of taken plays out of one another's playbook and then larger events to or things boil over but are off cathartic moments where we learn and grow from. So I think it's kind of a mixture of the two.

{00:12:28.73}

Aditi: So let's talk about that for a second. The playbook. Riley, I'd love to hear. What do you think is Regina's best money habits and vice versa.

Riley: Oh just very…

Dalmar: besides couponing

Riley: Yeah, I mean that's one of the strongest ones. She’s just good at getting deals and doing things right at the right time. But she can get into like the Groupon mentality as well where she buys stuff five years in advance so it's a double edged sword.

Aditi: I like that she's shrugging your shoulders and nodding as he says this.

Riley: Yeah but she, she's very persistent in looking at her finances and the biggest problem that I've always had is like the ostrich effect where I just stick my head under the sand and don't look at my bank account for weeks on end and hope that I get through on the other end. And she's inspired me to monitor it more actively and that is extended beyond my bank account to my credit lines and to like my credit score. I'm in a much better place in all of those aspects now because of watching her do it properly.

Aditi: As one of my old boss has always said to me, hope is not a strategy Aditi and so that has stayed true across multiple aspects of my life.

{00:13:40.62}

Aditi: What are Riley’s strengths?

Regina: He makes purchases that make him happy. If he buys a coffee in the middle of the day, it's to literally break up his date to get the mental clarity. There's a lot more depth behind each purchase. I think Riley also has made me see that you need to budget in vacations. You need to budget and also more importantly family time so that way you guys can be together. Not just taking time off work and losing that money but also going on vacations. That way you one person isn't hosting taking on the burdens and not having a vacation but that everybody truly gets a vacation and you get that quality time together. So spending money on quality items, quality time has really opened my eyes to show that not everything has to be practical and logical and it can just be what it is.

Aditi: I so relate with that with Dalmar. I think that's exactly. I'm very similar you where I'm a little bit more conscientious of everything I buy and I think Dalmar has helped me feel like well it's okay to go have a little fun or do something that's for the quality of your life vs. for your...

Riley: You can't take it with you.

Aditi: Yeah exactly. It's so true. {group laughing and talking at the same time}

{00:15:01.18}

Dalmar: Can you help me think back maybe to that moment where you made your first purchase that was from the Riley blueprint. The first thing you bought maybe that were not for Riley, you couldn't see yourself purchasing.

Regina: For who I am, I think shoes are a comfort thing and especially in San Francisco you're walking great distances and being a student on a student budget. I am not going to drop some money on shoes that are either uncomfortable and just fashionable that will go out of style in three months. I need something that's going to last me longer than that. But one summer, when Riley and I were together, he said you should get booties and I was like, I was like “Oh yeah that be great, who's going to pay for them?” And he was like, “No you need to buy booties. You need to invest in yourself. And if you need these booties…”

Riley and Regina speaking at the same time: I don't know if I was that much of an advocate for booties specifically. But the philosophy holds.

Regina: But you took me to an actual store. So one thing also I'll give Riley credit for that he's a lot more fashionable than I am. So, I don't even know where to go so I would have gone you know to maybe Payless or whatever but Riley took me to an actual store with that sold booties and yeah

Riley: It's much more improvised than that. I didn't seek out the bootie store and take her there. Well, the way I recall it was more spontaneous. Like just buy the damn shoes. If you like them, then do it. I think that's what you're getting at. Let the record reflect this..

{00:16:35.50}

Aditi: So tell me, you know, when it comes to your finances, what's the thing about your finances or just money in general that frightens you?

Riley: Just knowing that I didn't have a solution otherwise. So, I deal with the problem that's there one way or the other and it usually was okay. You know, they're sprinkling an overdraft here or there maybe but I always made it through. On the other end I mean if I really saw stuff going off the rails then I would hop in and take care of it. But, yeah I mean I've been like of very modest means for a long time where I've been making minimum wage or not a lot in my career because I was a student or in between undergrad and law school. It wasn't until after law school where I made enough money where I can actually be happy about my finances. The rest of it was just like survival mode...barely making enough.

Aditi: That’s a great way to say it - survival mode is frankly a mode that many of us are still living in and trying to get past.

Riley: So, yeah it's like my bank account never provided me any uplifting news. It was always just like, all right I have an okay amount that's only going downward every month, never carrying over to the next. So, it's easy to just ignore it and I made it through that. And now I'm in a different place where I can have carryover from month to month and it's not such a immediate pig spewing blood. It's like a living breathing thing that's now a good source of happiness for me.

Aditi: So the bank account now represent no longer the pig spewing blood but now it is a tree that's growing?

Riley: Yeah, I’d say something like that.

Aditi: Okay, moving along.

{00:17:21.14}

Dalmar: What frightens you?

Regina: Debt. Lots and lots of debt. I am, what would you say. I’m a first generation immigrant even though I wasn't born in the States. So, for me you were never to go into debt. Even a mortgage, my parents were freaked out about it or a car. You know you had to make sure that you were going to actually pay it off before it was actually due. So, for me I actually never was in debt until law school. That was the first time I had to learn about actual student loans. I had to learn about how to live off of a loan payment and I had to understand how to live without a paycheck. I had always worked at least two jobs minimum full time. I don't know how I did it but I always made it work. In law school you actually can't work, it's actually an ABA rule, and that frightened me.

Aditi: I did not know that.

Regina: Yeah, in your first year of law school you are literally not allowed to work per the American Bar Association's rules because the studies are so rigorous. And that really frightened me because that meant I had no source of income. I literally was giving up everything to go to school for a year minimum. And then the second year onwards you were able to get a job but at that point you know who can have the mental bandwidth to have a job when you're willing to do it, you need to do it but you can't do it. So it was a hard transition for me going from undergrad where I worked full-time minimum two jobs to after undergrad where I had several great careers with flush incomes to no paycheck. And then recently I bought a house here in San Francisco and that's on top of my student debt. So debt actually frightens me. I'm trying to learn how to categorize a mortgage as good debt or as education debt as good debt. But at the end of the day it's still money that is forced out of my income every paycheck. So that frightens me. Yeah.

Aditi: Honestly, that is scary to a lot of people. Funny thing is a lot of people don't even understand debt. It's like you've borrowed money but you don't fully understand the terms upon which you borrowed.

Regina: So I actually had to beg and educate my parents prior to going to law school as to how I was going to finance law school because they had never heard about student debt. They never knew about the loan process. They were just flabbergasted as to me going forward with this. Doing so on someone else's dime, especially the American public’s dime.

{00:21:34.49}

Dalmar: How often the two of you talk about money together? So if you're having a conversation and talk about big upcoming expense or vacation or something you're, you're saving for how you've been doing the last few months. How often do you have that conversation? Regina, earlier you said that the two of you started getting really serious about this money conversation and started opening up earlier this year. So, if the frequency has changed recently what was it before and what is it?

Riley: It's still not very common. We don't formally sit down and discuss it. You get a sense for what's going on based on just observing what the other person is purchasing and planning on doing.

Regina: Or what arrives in the Amazon boxes...

Riley: So before I'd say we talked very vaguely and really not at all. And now we talk about it fairly informally with occasional check-ins like maybe every three months on average I'd say. We're like, alright, what's going on Mike? How are things looking and do more of a formal check in.

{00:22:45.02}

Aditi: We talk about it during conversations. Do you talk because your finances aren't merged. So when you come together and you actually talk about money what are the things that you discuss in those discussions?

Regina: We first start to talk about our feelings about money at the time. Sometimes I'll say I'm feeling anxious right now or I don't know how this is going to happen. I don't know how I'm going to afford this upcoming expense and I just have to constantly hold myself accountable by telling Riley where I'm at. And if there is a way that we can make it work or if I have to downsize. He's really great at keeping me in line saying that it's not a must do, it's a can do and you're not able to so, you need to say no. And that's really hard for me but it's something that I need and that Riley is really great at communicating

Aditi: Sounds like Riley is a really good support system for you as you're trying to navigate your own money decisions. He's a good sounding board.

Regina: Yeah. He's a great sounding board because I've had you know a different relationship with money during undergrad and then you know post undergrad where I was super flush with money and then going to no job in law school and unpaid internships in San Francisco and then unemployment thereafter because you're studying for the bar exam. We've had to go in our ebbs and flows and I think that our check-ins occur when there's an upcoming major expense or a major milestone that we're about to hit just to make sure that we're able to celebrate each other's highs.

Riley: Yeah. I'd say it's, it's oftentimes triggered by a purchase like we bought a nice mattress and that was a good trigger to be like, all right, well can you afford this? I think one of the examples you're alluding to is like a couch where we were considering buying a couch for like a couple grand and I was like, well can you afford that? And at first she was like, yeah but then we talked about it more she said, I mean, I could but maybe like let's calm down not go spending two grand on a couch.

Aditi: It's like that accountability check on the two of you as you're spending your money and even though it's coming out of individual piles of money it's nice to have somebody that you can have a real talk when you around that.

Riley: Yeah. So, I'd say it's not structured like, “Okay, the 30th of every month and I'm going to talk about where we are, what our credit scores.” Probably more so structure around triggering events like big purchases or just saying like, hey when are you gonna pay me back for this one thing that I bought a while ago.

Regina: Every time we have it, it gets easier and it also builds the trust between us and more transparency and we're able to celebrate each other's highs as well. So, it doesn't always have to be a negative talk. Like when Riley's credit score went up a little bit we're like woohoo, party time. But that was exciting!

Aditi: And you go do something that drops the credit score. {LAUGHING}

Riley: Yeah, let's just go blow a bunch of money.

{00:26:00.03}

Dalmar: What's hard about these conversations?

Regina: Just that they're so raw and you have to be so transparent. So, Riley and I are not married, not engaged, we’re living together. You know have been together for six years but for me I've always imagined having these conversations with a husband once you have that ring then I'm like, okay, here are all the skeletons in my closet. Or you know here's why I do what I do or how I do what I do.

Riley: I'm like, hell no. We know that well before we get that far. Out of self-interest …

{00:26:37.71}

Aditi: So I'm actually curious - you guys have a dog together. Madison sitting with us and you have a dog walker and have expenses around her. Did anything change when you bought Madison in terms of having any of those money talks or your approach to how you thought about splitting expenses?

Riley: That was different, now that you put it that way. It did create a consistent monthly expense that we were jointly responsible for. Because like rent is one thing - I just like shoot her a check or Venmo for the amount on the 30th of each month. But with Madison it's like an ongoing expense that fluctuates and comes up randomly and that has created a much more ongoing kind of shared bank account that will probably carry over.

Aditi: So, moral of the story. Every couple should get a dog. Great way to start the money conversation.

{00:27:34.28}

Dalmar: So, I think we should transition to the rapid fire game that we like to play. Aditi, why don’t you describe or explain with the rapid fire is.

Aditi: No babe, you do it.

Dalmar: Ok, I'm going to give it a shot, everybody. Hang onto your seats. This is our version of the Honeymoon Game where instead of asking embarrassing questions in front of all of your friends and family that has very little to do with the ceremony or the journey you're about to embark on together, our version has to do with your finances. So we've asked each of you five questions before we started recording today's show. You’ve written down your answers, and you’ve not shown them to each other. So we're going to ask you those questions again and for our entertainment and for yours you're going to each give those answers now. So I'll start with the first question. If your partner won the lottery what would be the first thing they spent the winnings on? The winnings here are a million dollars.

Riley: So what I think she would spend that on? So for a couple of these I had two options because it would both would definitely happen. This one would be renovate the house slash buy purses.

Regina: That is not far from the truth.

Dalmar: In any particular order?

Riley: It would probably happen at the same time. Like put shiplap up and then go buy a Birkin bag and then go replace the bathtub and then go buy another.

Group talking at the same time: Hey, you're the one to make her this way. You helped go buy things! Have experiences! And bags like these go up in value not like other depreciating assets.

Riley: Yes, it works with her philosophy of investing.

{00:29:27.17}

Dalmar: Regina, what would Riley spend the money on?

Regina: I think Riley would spend the money on a car with some really, really great subwoofers. And that car would probably be a really decked out Range Rover or like super Bentley. With some very, very, very loud subwoofers.

Riley: Yeah, I mean you're not far off there. Wouldn't be a Bentley because that could easily eat up the million but a Range Rover with some big subwoofers would take me back to high school when I had that going on. It was pretty cool.

Aditi: I imagine Madison in the back hanging out the window.

Riley: Yeah, that's as long as it has like a control knob so I can turn the subwoofers down and look like a proper Pac Heights Range Rover driver.

{00:30:21.27}

Aditi: I'll go with the next question. What's one purchase that your partners made in the last year that you're still trying to understand or just don't understand. Who’s going first?

Regina: He spent a really exorbitant amount of money for a wedding present. I don't understand why it was so much money versus what a normal wedding gift would be.

Aditi: You're a very generous person, Riley.

Riley: Yeah, he was my homey.

Aditi: Remind us to remind invite you to our wedding.

Riley: This was like a high school friend of mine

Dalmar: Yeah, we’ll just send one invitation - Riley, plus one as well.

Riley: No this was like a high school friend of mine who has always worked minimum wage, jobs or slightly above there and I just wanted to help him, get his marriage off on the right foot. Like I felt invested in making sure his marriage was like going well or something right. That was only like a month ago.

Regina: Yeah, so she loves Riley! She's like Riley come over and hang out with us anytime.

{00:30:16.12}

Aditi: What's your answer Riley?

Riley: I mean, new clothes is just a constant…

Aditi: Men will never understand women's clothing budget.

Riley: Yes. And home decor that we haven't both vetted.

Aditi: Tell me more.

Riley: I mean, I've got great taste and stuff so I can pick stuff out and she'll like it. But certain things that she picks out are just terrible.

Regina: So yes there are 12 paintings that he has taken down on the wall, hidden underneath some cabinet and will not, and will not for the life of him, will not let me put up anywhere in the house. I have tried to put them up in the sneakiness of corners (not like you can hide twelve paintings).

Riley: But all right, let's clarify. It's a calendar - an artistically done calendar. And first she just likes scotch taped them to our wall in our nice house that we've spent a lot of money and time making look nice. And she just scotch taped these damn calendars up on the wall and all of her friends were also like, “Doesn’t look good”.

{LAUGHTER}

Riley: One friend from New York sent Regina frames to frame them because she was like this doesn't look good at all. You've got to at least throw a frame on that and so now they're framed and I'm still like I just don't want 12 things on the wall. I don't care about the months of the year that much. I'm staring at it all the time. If anything that's stress inducing. So, yeah, I've just been slowly hiding them throughout the house. She can never reassemble them all.

Dalmar: One day you're going to get broken into and nothing but those paintings would have been stolen.

Riley: Yeah, that would be a tragedy...

{00:33:28.18}

Dalmar: So, painting purchases aside. Complete the following sentence when it comes to money. One thing we cannot agree on is ___.

Riley: So this is kind of come up through a lot of your comments. I completed the sentence with having fun with it. Having fun with money. And that's kind of like my philosophy. I mean definitely save and be responsible but also like just go on trips and live life.

{00:33:46.08}

Aditi: What do you say Regina?

Regina: Eating out for every meal.

Riley: Yeah, that’s a gross exaggeration. Madison has to go out so…

{00:34:13.95}

Aditi: Okay, My turn. What money question do you think is important to ask your partner when things start to get serious?

Riley: Mine is how much debt do you have. Not how much money do you have. I don't care if someone is like rich or poor but if you're bringing a thing with you that's going to maybe be a burden on the relationship or something.

Aditi: It's good to know what you're getting into.

Riley: Yeah. And that's not a deal breaker by any means. But just like transparency early on so that you can deal with it as a team is important to me.

{00:34:55.78}

Dalmar: Regina?

Regina: I put the question of where is the money really coming from. This especially is true. You know when we met originally both of us were living in San Francisco with unpaid internships with no income. And we were going out buying drinks. Sure they were happy hour but I think also kind of carries over into our big purchases by saying you know, is somebody else paying for this or did you stash away money to buy this really expensive item or is this gonna be on credit. Like where's the money actually coming from.

Aditi: Sounds like you're trying to suss out their personality around money too. In some ways trying to understand how they make purchase decisions.

Regina: Yeah. Because I'm just so military style about it. It's very, very refreshing when people are not. But it also baffles me and surprises me. And I am very, very, very envious of people that have a more laid back approach to money or have a more positive experience with money.

Aditi: You should hang out with Dalmar.

Regina: As long as he cooks great meals. I'm good.

Dalmar: Excellent. Deal.

{00:36:12.60}

Dalmar: Last question. What's your spending number. So my spending no here we mean the number that if you cross or get close to you'll check in with each other on.

Riley: $100?

Aditi: Regina?

Regina: Really? A hundred dollars?

Riley: I thought that we would definitely be on the same page.

Aditi: What did you write?

Regina: Oh, if it's a drain, I spent two hundred dollars only because one hundred dollars that, that's the one trip to the pet store.

Aditi: I love it. I think a lot of couples think they're going to be on the same page and they’re not

Regina: We definitely were. We were so far apart from like wait a second. Well I'll say I think he questioned a lot of my purchases. A hundred. I mean that's not even a purse.

Riley: So the inconvenience of having to return stuff.

Dalmar: Twelve paintings end up on your wall.

Regina: Which I got for 70% off

Riley: Doesn't mean it's cool

Dalmar: I think that’s a good end to the show. What do you say? Aditi’s laughing so she can’t even say.

Aditi: I can’t speak, that’s too funny.

{MUSIC}

{END}

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