How to Appreciate Your Partner's Money Personality

Lindsay Goldwert
November 19th, 2020 | 6 min

He’s a spender. She’s a saver. Can this financial partnership be saved? Of course it can.

In a relationship, one person’s attitude toward money has an effect on the other. Getting down to the nitty-gritty of one person’s feelings about bills, retirement, and spending can shed a lot of light on arguments, miscommunications, and face-palm frustrations.

When we’re dating we may start off thinking that we want to meet someone who has all the same common interests. But that isn’t always the recipe for love. In fact, opposites have a way of bringing out the best in each other. It’s called yin and yang for a reason.

The same is true for falling for someone with a similar or different money personality. If you’re a saver and your partner is a saver, there’s no data that says that you’ll both be superstars who get to their goals seamlessly and without conflict. In our research, we found the opposite, that two savers may drive the other to become more of a spender.

That said, being with a person who ignores bills and thinks that the future will take care of itself can be frustrating, especially if getting your finances in order is important to you.

Rather than worrying about trying to fix the other person to make them behave more like you financially, we recommend that you start to understand your money personality.

Take the Money Personality Quiz

Here’s how we recommend you analyze your results and move forward together:

Start talking. Did you get opportunity answers and come up with results that show that you’ve got totally different approaches to your money? That’s okay! That’s where the conversations start.

Not sure how to begin? We created this list of questions to help the two of you begin to understand each other’s money stories. Your money story is all the things that happened in your past, what’s happening today, and what you want to do tomorrow. Understanding each other’s histories and goals can help you understand each other better and get on the same page (while building empathy and closeness).

Take the 20 Question Challenge

Celebrate each other’s strengths. There’s a reason why you fell in love. Rather than criticize the other for perceived failings or “weaknesses”, reframe them into a positive. For example, appreciate the other for their spontaneity and desire to live life to the fullest. Be grateful for the other’s wish to create a solid future for you both to make sure that you’re both happy in the future. Try to avoid accusatory language and drilling down into the things that you dislike.

Keep the conversation going. Did you or your partner’s money personalities surprise you? Ask yourselves this. What’s one thing you might change in how you engage your partner about money moving forward? Remember the traits that made you fall in love with each other and start there.

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